Kingdom Hearts 2: The REAL REAL Orange County
by euphoria6a
Summary: It's a good thing it's M. TOO PERVERTED! But funny! Well, just a Kingdom HeartsLaguna Beach parody. CHAPTER 12 UP! R&R!
1. The Beginning

**Kingdom Hearts: Laguna Beach Style**

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts 2 or any of it's characters!

Theme Song(Hilary Duff's "Come Clean" Theme)

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Bimbo's

We're all a bunch of Bimbo's

The guys here are always horny for the sluts

Which is us

We are whores...

(chorus):

We have too much sex

and STD's

We all dress like skanks

And look ugly

We just wanna get laid with everyone

cuz we're used to this

this crappy life

this crappy life...

(theme ends)

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Kristin-Kairi

Jessica-Namine

Alex-Yuffie

Lauren(LC)-Lily(made up character)

Taylor-Aerith

Stephen-Sora

Jason-Roxas

Talan-Riku

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**Kristin**- Oh my god, like, Stephen is cheating on me with, like, that slut, like, LC!

**Jessica**-Like, stop, like, worrying about LC so much, like, totally!

**Kristin**-well, like, i love stephen! but, like, LC is, like, taking my man!

**Jessica**-like, i dunno, but, like, Jason is acting flirty around, like, Alex!

**Kristin**-oh my god, like, he is soooo cheating on you!

**Jessica**-like, well, like...like...like...like...

**Kristin**-dammit! stop saying 'like' so much you whore!

**Jessica**-like, you are the one who slept with our science teacher!

**Kristin**-like, totally. i only did that to get an A on my test...! i'm gonna, like, call stephen!

**Jessica**-like, fine!

**Kristin**-like...

**Jessica- **like...

**Kristin**- like...

(1,000 likes later)

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**Kristin**- hello, like, stephen

**Stephen**- wuzzup?

**Kristin-** like, are ya cheating on me with, like, that, like, slut LC?

**Stephen-** no

**Kristin-** like, then why do i hear LC calling out your name?

**LC-** stephen! you better not, like be talking with, like, that slut Kristin!

**Kristin**- hey! i, like, heard that!

**Stephen**- ok! i admit i'm at her house, but she's rich, remember? so i'm hanging out in her jaccuzi!

**Kristin**- like...like...like...

**Stephen-**like, stop saying 'like'! you, like, sound like a broken record!

**kristin **hangs up

**Kristin-** my life is sooooo full of drama!

**Jessica-** duh, that's why you made that stupid contract with MTV to be in this show!

**Kristin**- hey, you didn't say 'like'!

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**Alex-**i am sooooooo like, flirting with like, Jason!

**Taylor- **you, like slut!

**Alex**- man i hate Jessica and her stupid ho Kristin!

**Taylor**- like, you hate everyone!

**Alex-** like of course!

**Taylor- dammit,** you've become like the other sluts who are on this stupid show!

**Alex**- like, what did you, like, expect?

**Taylor**- man, isn't jason, like, dating Jessica?

**Alex-** yeah, but he would dump her for, like, me!

**Taylor-** no he wouldn't...

**Alex**- shut, like, up!

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**Stephen- **kristin, like, i love you, but i have to go to the journey to the keyblade thinga-ma-bob

**Kristin**- like, what the heck is a keyblade?

**Stephen-** it's this key, and like, it's a blade...

**Kristin**- wow...i would have NEVER guessed that!

**Stephen-** hey, wait a minute. aren't you supposed to lose your heart?

**Kristin-** i am?

**Stephen-** yeah! i'm doing this stupid journey to like, save your slutty ass!

**Kristin**- okay, lemme try

**Kristin** attempts to lose her heart by trying to claw through her chest

**Kristin-** HULK SMASH! HULK ANGRY! Kristin rips off shirt, bra still remains

**Stephen-** damn, girl the last 5738 guys you slept with told me you flat... looks at her bra

**Kristin-**hey i have, like, an idea! I'll stab myself and you retrive my heart!

**Stephen- **like, are ya sure?

**Kristin- **like, if you have to go on this journey and I need to lose my heart, then yeah

**Stephen- **here's my keyblade...

5 minutes later...

**Kristin-** ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

**Stephen- DAMN!** I havent heard you scream this much since you slept with Mr. Iwonttohumpu!

**Kristin-**dammit! like, take my heart!

a light appears and a girl in white steps out

**Jessica-** Kristin, I am your nobody!

**Kristrin- **Really! Oh my God, just when my life wasn't dramatic enough...

**Jessica-** well, stephen your journey,like, starts here. Kristin is in your, like, body, so if you, like, have visions of her, don't worry...

**Stephen-**wow...really? so she's in my body?

**Jessica-**yes

**Stephen-** and her heart is with me

**Jessica-**yes

**Stephen- **and i can...

**Jessica-** DAMMIT! SHUT UP ALREADY! I HAD TO APPEAR ON THIS STUPID SCENCE TO HELP YOU! YES, YOU WILL SEE HER AND HAVE TO RESCUE HER! NOW, CAN I GO? I HAVE TO SEE IF JASON IS CHEATING ON ME WITH ALEX!

**Stephen-** damn, girl you are late! He's been cheating on you since ya first met! Do ya think he would seriously like you?

**Jessica-**Well, I, urr...

**Kristin-** Stephen, what's taking so long! If I have to, I'll kick you from the inside of your crotch!

**Stephen-** eep! well, who do I have to look for?

**Jessica-**Talan. It seems he has turned to the dark side!

**Stephen-**oh, ok! I'll go on this journey and...HEY! why does Kristin get a nobody and not me?

**Jessica**- your nobody is my boyfriend, Jason!

**Stephen-** dammit, not him! he is so prissy!

**Jessica-** well, too bad!

**stephen** goes to the portal of darkness and battles this big ass dude in black, then blah blah...ya get it, right, Kingdom Hearts Fanz!

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**Author's Note: don't worry I will continue this. I decided to parody Laguna Beach because I never really liked it and it came into my mind when I was brainstorming on stories. Well, I will update this story! Don't worry. Send reviews to whoever found this chapter funny! **

**P.S. Did ya like my theme? I wanted to parody it, too:)**


	2. Stephen in Traverse Town

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of the Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2 characters. I also do not own the Laguna Beach cast!

**Author's Note:** In case you are wondering, it is true I have added some Kingdom Hearts 2 characters and info( such as scenes and the prospect of Nobodies), but remember, it's my parody! I just wanna write yet another funny story! OH, and Stephen(which is Sora) is kinda stupid. Whoever read the first chapter...ya know what I mean!

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**Traverse Town**

**Stephen: **zzz...zzzzz

**Pluto-**(sniff, sniff... lick)

**Stephen-** five more minutes...zzz...zzzz

**Pluto-** WAKE UP, DAMMIT!

**Stephen-** huh?

Pluto stares at him innnocently while panting.

**Stephen- **where...am I?

Stephen looks at the dog.

**Stephen-**do you, like, know where we are?

Pluto runs away!

**Stephen-** HEY, DAWG! I,LIKE, ASKED YOU A FRIGGIN' QUESTION! COME BACK HERE!

Stephen walks down the alley where he realizes that he is in a different world.

**Stephen- **Sweet! I' m, like, in a different world! Now to check out the ladies...

Stephen feels a kick from inside his crotch.

**Stephen-** DAMMIT, WOMAN! THAT,LIKE, HURT LIKE HELL!

_1 hour later..._

**Stephen- **Oh my god! It's, like. those things that...um...IT'S THOSE THINGS!

Heartless gang up on him. Stephen gets his Keyblade out and starts to hit...sorta.

**Stephen-** HI-YAH! LIKE, TAKE THAT, YOU...THING-A-ZOID!

Stephen opens his eyes and realizes that he didn't hit any heartless.

**Stephen-** Damn it! Well, there's only one thing to do...RUN!

Stephen runs like a little girl back to where he first started.

_Sometime later..._

**Stephen- **Doo dee doo doo dee doo...

**Mysterious Person- **Dude, if you hold that thing, you will, like, be chased down by these little midgets in black costumes! So I suggest you give it to me!

**Stephen**- My keyblade? Hellz no! I can, like, do pretty awesome, totally radical moves with this thing!

**Mysterious Person-** well, then...we'll see. LET'S FIGHT!

(BATTLE MUSIC THEME PLAYS)

_Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street!_

_can you tell me..._

**Mysterious Person- **HEY! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS! IT'S, LIKE, THE WRONG THEME MUSIC!

**Sound Designer-** S-sorry! I'll put in the right one!

(REAL theme music plays)

**Mysterious Person- **Now...we fight!

The mysterious person starts off by shooting fire bolts from his sword, then starts to slash at Stephen

**Stephen**- Hey! Like, no fair!

Stephen then starts to wave his keyblade freely to his oppenent until he gives up, so he throws the keyblade on the floor and starts doing some fake karate moves.

stephen speaks fake chinese

**Mysterious Person- **WTF!

**Stephen- **DOMO ARIGATO...UHHH...speaks more fake chinese

The Mysterious Person has no choice but he kicked Stephen in his crotch, and Stephen felt another kick from the inside of his crotch.

**Stephen- **AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Mysterious Person-** hey, uh...

**Stephen-** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Mysterious Person- **dude, uh...

**Stephen- **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, like,AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Mysterious Person**- DUDE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FAINT!

**Stephen-** Oh, sorry!

Stephen falls back to the floor and faints.

**Alex-** You've been to hard on this dude, Squall.

**Squall...?-** DAMMIT, WOMAN! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, MY NAME IS LEON! NOT SQUALL! LEON!

Leon faints to the floor...so Alex was forced to carry the two back to her hotel room...

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**Stephen-** (yawn...)

**Alex-** wake up, you lazy bum!

**Stephen-** K-k-ristin?

**Alex-** DO I LOOK LIKE THAT WHORE TO YOU? I'M THE GREAT NINJA ALEX!

**Stephen**- hey! Did ya know Jessica is pissed at you cuz' you are flirting with Jason?

**Alex**- Who cares about her? Anyways, you and, like, Squall fainted!

Leon wakes up and glares at Alex

**Leon-** DAMMIT! IT'S LEON!

Leon goes back to sleep


	3. Stephen meets Donald and Goofy

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Kingdom Hearts characters. Or the Laguna Beach cast...

Author's Note: Well, I read a flame that I received on one of my stories saying that it sucked...so, if you don't like this story, then I shouldn't be suprised...I am new here, after all...

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Alex- oh, that's, like, Leon. He, like, always goes around telling people his, like, name is Squall...

Stephen-like, does it look like I care! He attacked me...

Alex-Dumbass! You had a keyblade! You could have, like, fought back!

Stephen- Hey! Go easy on me! I have to finish school, deal with Kristin and Lauren, and I have to go on this journey.

Alex- It's time to, like, tell you why you are, like, here.

Stephen- fine...(mutters cuss words)

Alex- okay, so these worlds are connected, and then like, you use the keyblade thingy to like, lock the doors of the worlds...i think

Stephen- you think?

Alex-ok! I admit it! I was, like, too busy flirting with Jason to practice my script!

Stephen- damn, girl! Did ya know Jason is my nobody!

Alex- Really! Then that means that we won't be able to go on more secret dates!

Stephen- Oh yeah, and Jessica is Kristin's nobody!

Alex- Ugh. I, like, hate them both! Ya know, I think Kristin should, like, die! It's a good thing you are, like, cheating on her with LC!

Stephen- shut up, Alex! Her heart is inside me!

Alex- like, I don't care. Anyways, those heartless track you down cuz, like, you hold the keyblade.

Stephen- so what can I do for them to stop chasing me?

Alex- well, like, you can always, like, give it to Leon

Leon- that's right! You'd better give it to us!

Alex- Leon, shut up, dammit! No wonder Rinoa, like, dumped you...

Leon- RINOA!

Alex- well, you have to battle a bunch of freaks who want Kingdom Hearts, and open the door to darkness...and that's like, it...

Stephen- easy! well, like, where do I go now?

Alex- well, there is supposed to be, like, a heartless attack soon...

Stephen- ok, I'll just wait...

(crickets chirping...clock ticking...)

Stephen- sooooooooooo...

Alex- sooooooooooooo...

Stephen- you gonna confront Jessica?

Alex- maybe, yeah...I dunno...I hate her so much...

(silence)

Taylor- Alex! The heartless are attacking!

Alex- It's about, like, time! Well, now you and Squall have to fight the heartless...

Leon wakes up

Leon- say what?

Alex- well, you two have to, like, fight the heartless

Leon- fine, then! You were disturbing my wet dream...

Alex- 0-0

Leon-...

Alex- 0-0

Leon-...forget I said that...

Stephen- c'mon! Let's go fight the heartless!(turns to Leon) And may your dreams be wetless!

Leon- shut up! c'mon, already, shrimp!

Stephen- okay!

_The two go outside to fight some heartless...actually, with the way Stephen was fighting, Leon had to battle the monsters for him..._

Stephen- Man, these guys are easy! I'm not even tired!

Leon- That's because you weren't even fighting...

Stephen- whatever...hey! A walking duck!

Leon- huh?

Stephen- and there's a dog there!

Leon- i think that's donald and goofy you are talking about.

Stephen- yum...that duck looks pretty good...

Leon- WTF?

Stephen- so (drool) plump...yummy...(drool)

Leon- STEPHEN, SNAP OUT OF IT! THEY ARE GONNA HELP YOU FIND YOUR STUPID FRIENDS!SO STOP WITH THE DROOLING!

Donald- THE KEYBLADE!

Stephen- What the hell do you want!

Goofy- Gawrsh, we need to return the keyblade to King Mickey!

Donald- Come here, short ass! You're coming with us!

Leon- Hey, ya wanna find Talan? Go with them...

Stephen- fine, then. I will!

Goofy- My name is Goofy. My real name was Arthur Lancelot the Third, but people couldn't stop laughing at my ugly face so they called me Goofy.

Donald- Donald Duck. No, I'm not a goose, not a chicken, NOT a turkey! I'm a duck!

Stephen- I'm Stephen Colletti! Guess what? There's a heart inside me!

Goofy- WOW!

Donald- Yeah, that's great...now hurry up! We gotta go to the King!

_A Bunch of Heartless attack...after Goofy and Donald fought them, a BIG heartless made of metal attacks..._

Donald- ATTACK!

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Author's Note: Don't worry, for those of you who liked this story I will update it! While in the process of making this chapter, I felt like it wasn't funny, so I'm sorry if you didn't find it amusing...I guess I was in a non-hyper condition...but I might just get back to my humorous self soon! TTFN!


	4. Drag queens, lesbians, and a pimpin dog

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Kingdom Hearts cast or the Laguna Beach cast...

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Stephen: Damn, that thing is, like, big!

Donald: What the hell are you doing? Fight with us!

Stephen: Fine, I, like, will!

Goofy: Damn, you two! That metal thing is gonna kill us!

Stephen: Like, hi-yah!

Stephen starts to run towards the monster and tries hitting it, but kept on missing.

Stephen: You stupid tinhead! Like, pretend that I, like, hit you!

Donald: Dumbass, aim for its hands and legs!

Stephen- like, okay!

Stephen runs for the leg, and starts hitting it like crazy. He opened his eyes and realizes he hit Goofy.

Goofy- YOU STUPID BASTARD!

Stephen- like, sorry

Donald- you hit the dog, dawg!

Stephen- like, I knew that! I'm not stupid...

Donald and Goofy- YES YOU ARE!

Stephen- Like, whatever, girlfriend...oh no wait...I have two girlfriends...Kristin and LC...so...if Donald and Goofy are my girlfriends...I'M A PIMP!

Donald- Shut the !#$ up and fight the monster!

During the arguement, the monster looks and them and scratches his head. To end it all, he makes his way towards Donald and steps on him.

Stephen- YOU...KILLED DONALD?

The monster nods his head.

Stephen- YOU ARE MY NEW BEST FRIEND!

Stephen runs to the monster and gives him a hug.

Goofy- WTF?

Stephen- i love you monster...oh wait...i love Kristin, LC, Goofy, Donald...DAMN, I'M A GIGOLO!

Goofy- whatever..I'll guess I'll have to kill the monster...

Goofy runs towards the monster and hits it like crazy, causing it to fall along with Stephen.

Stephen- aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! my new homeboy is, like, dying!

The heartless falls to the ground and falls, destroyed into a million pieces.

Goofy- well, now that he is dead, what do we do with Donald?

Stephen- screw that shit-stained bird! let's go to, like, somewhere else!

Goofy- well, it says here that we accidently land in a jungle.

Stephen- a jungle?

Goofy- yeah, and then we are gonna meet a drag queen named Tarzan.

Stephen- well, how do we get there?

Goofy- well, Donald is supposed to ride the gummi ship...

Stephen- a gummi ship? first gummi worms, then bears, and now ships?

Goofy- dumbass! they just named the ship like that for no f-ing reason! now we have to revive Donald.

Donald- I'm still alive, dumbshit!

Goofy- oh, sorry. now, get your ass off the floor and take us to the drag queen's prostitute house!

Stephen- you like hookers?

Goofy- hellz yeah! I had an affair with Lady from _Lady and the Tramp!_ And the chihuahua from Taco Bell? I slept with his wife. And Perdita from _101 Dalmations..._

Donald- who the fuck cares? do you want me to take you to the stupid jungle or not!

Goofy- damn, bird, maybe i shouldn't tell you that Daisy is cheating on you with one of your nephews...

Donald- WTF?

Stephen- whatever you two! Let's just go to the prostitute house thingy...

Meanwhile...somewhere far away...

Malificent- the boy seems very powerful...and his heart is pure...yet he is so sexy!

Oogie Boogie- what the hell, witch! you know you can't have him. Besides, you and ursula are lesbians...

Ursula- come give me a kiss, Malificent!

The two start making out...

Captain Hook- oh yeah, lesbian sex!

to be continued...


	5. In the Jungle, the mighty Jungle

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Kngdon Hearts characters or anything else.

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Stephen- so this is the jungle...

Donald- now we gotta look for...what are we looking for?

Goofy-Wait a minute! You and Steohen had a fight because of the gummi ship so you aren't supposed to be talking to each other...

Stephen- ok, then...I HATE YOU DONALD!

Donald- I HATE YOU TOO, YOU RETARDED GAY ASS!

Stephen- SHUT UP, CROTCH STAIN!

Goofy- THAT'S ENOUGH YOU TWO! JUST FOLLOW THE SCRIPT! DAMN, I THOUGHT I WAS THE STUPID ONE...

A jaguar jumps in and starts attacking Stephen

Stephen- Aaaahhh! Like, get away from me!

Goofy- oh, you really think it's just gonna stop and obey you? fight it, you stupid brunette ho!

Stephen- o-ok...HI-YAH!

Stephen missed. The jaguar was running towards him, so Stephen closed is eyes and swung his keyblade.

Stephen- take that, you by-otch!

Donald- Stephen, you asswipe! You hit a man!

Stephen opened his eyes and realized he hit a man who seemed to have come out of nowhere

Stephen- WTF?

The man started doing lap dances to the jaguar. It got scared so it ran away.

Man- hoo hee hoo ha.

Stephen- what did you, like, say?

Man- hoo hee hoo ha.

Stephen- I'm sorry. We don't speak Spanish...

Donald- Numbskull, he's talking to us in Sweedish!

Goofy- No! He's talking in Alien languege!

Stephen- Surely this guy is an immigrant from Mexico...

The three started argueing when the man just looked at them and got pissed.

Man- SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TALKING IN MONKEY LANGUEGE, YOU IDIOTS!

Stephen, Donald, and Goofy- WHAT?

The man shifts his eyes.

Man- hoo hee hoo ha.

Stephen- hey! aren't you that drag queen? Then this must be your prostitute hose, right?

Goofy- Prostitute House! Time to find me some drag queen hookers...

Donald- Goofy! You are so rude to our little freak friend!

Donald turns over to the man.

Donald- make with the hookers, bitch!

Man- **I am Tarzan and I am not a drag queen! I was raised by monkeys!**

Stephen- You were raised by monkeys! So, have you met my mother then?

He starts to crack up.

Tarzan- I was raised in a jungle that has no name because it is a crap house filled with fat apes who scratch their poop stained asses.

Stephen- How did you end up here in the first place?

Tarzan- My mother, Kala, told me that my mother was a hooker who slept with my father, and she left me 'cuz she would have to spend all her money on me rather than on drugs or condoms. So she left me and my dad died of constipation...I never knew what a hooker was..but Kala told me it was a beautiful thing to be...

Donald- Trust me. You don't want to know what a hooker is...

Goofy- Hey, we got stuck here, and we need to find a way out, so tell us a way to get out of this dope.

Tarzan- wait! You don't wanna see how beautiful the jungle is?

Donald- But you told us it was a crap house!

Tarzan- Aw, c'mon! I have no friends rather than that stupid ape girl who I thought was a guy for 25 years.

Stephen- Hey, c'mon! Besides, this is a place full of monkeys and I might get to meet my mom...

He snickers to himself.

Donald- Stephen?

Stephen- Yeah?

Donald- Shut up.

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Tarzan- Hey, Kerchack! These are my new homies!

Kerchack- Hey, what did I say about humans, you dimwit!

Tarzan- I know that they are not allowed, but c'mon! One of them has a purty key. The other has big ears, and the bird...well...we can eat him for dinner!

Kerchack- Fine, whatever! But go away, I have pot to smoke!

Tarzan- Follow me! There's something I need to show you!

The four walk to this opening where a tent is located, and see a girl walk out of the tent.

Tarzan- Isn't she beautiful?

Stephen-she looks like my ex-girlfriend...

Tarzan- And she is accompinied by her father and a hunter she knows.

The hunter and dad come out and they start making out.

Stephen-Eww! Sick!

Tarzan- I din't like that hunter guy. He always carries around that gun, and talking to himself that he is gonna "pay a visit" to the apes...

_To be continued..._

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**Author's Note- Yes, I know that everything is so out of order, like the events. But I want to make it in a different way that still explains the story, so that there are more laughs and that it isn't the same ol' stuff. I'll update this soon! 0 **


	6. Jungle Fun and a Bunny

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts...but I have the game, look! (waves KH 1 and 2 in front of everyone) heehee...but it belongs to Square Enix(Squenix). Oh and I don't own Alice(Bloody Roar) or Trix(cereal).

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Stephen- So, what, he's going to, like, pay a Visit? What the hell is a Visit?

Tarzan- You stupid retard! He wants to kill the apes.

Tetsuya Nomura- Oh, great! You ruined the surprise, hairy ass! (curses in Japanese)

Tarzan- I'm sorry! I'll stick to my script next time!'

Tetsuya Nomura- I worked so long just to make a fun game, and you tell everyone what happens next! You !#$-ing moron!

Tarzan- Sorry, boss! I'll make you some coffee, if you please!

Tetsuya Nomura- I don't want coffee, idiot! What, you think just because I'm an adult I like coffee! You're so stereotypical! So that must mean that Latinos HAVE to like tacos and wear big hats, too! You jerkass! You'd better not make me pissed off again!

Tetsuya mutters more cuss words and walks to his desk and reads a comic book. Then he explodes.

Stephen- Well, like, what now?

Goofy- Let's ask Tetsuya what's his favorite color!

Donald- Idiot, he exploded!

Goofy- He did! I was too busy watching the hunter and the old man make out...

Donald- Whatever! Tarzan, can we go now!

Tarzan crawled in a little corner and rocks back and forth while sucking his thumb.

Tarzan-find a happy place! find a happy place!

Donald- WTF? Why are we even here? Let's go.

Stephen, Donald and Goofy meet all the other monkeys. Then they go to a strip club where all of them are drunk and have a kareoke party. Then they all have constipation and all the monkeys die, and the heartless die of boredom. So then Stephen, Donald, and Goofy make their way to the Gummi ship and they tried to put a happy face to fuel the ship. The attempt was useless since they were now angry drunks. But soon Jane ran around naked because she was on crack and that put a BIG smile on their faces. So then they make their way to this castle and it's all pink and scary.

Stephen- Like, this is scary. It's so girly and stuff, like, ew!

Donald- Aw, shut up!You stupi-

Stephen- HEY! A bunny!

Goofy- where?

Stephen- Awww, it's so cute!

Stephen grabs the rabbit and starts hugging it.

Rabbit- Hey! Get the fuck away from me!

Stephen- Mr. Rabbit? Why are Trix only for kids?

Rabbit- Ask my stupid cousin that! He knows the answer to that!

Stephen- And why is Alice(Bloody Roar Series) such a bimbo?

Alice- Hey! I heard that you retard!

Yugo- Alice! Where the hell is my teddy bear!

Alice- Coming Yugo!

She looks at Stephen with a cold look.

Alice- Bitch!

Alice runs away but slams herself into a wall. Then she died and little freaky elves ate her.

Stephen- Well, that was, like, a waste of time. Mr. Bunny, do you want a carrot?

Rabbit- Oh! I have to go! Or the queen shall have my head!

Stephen- Can we follow you?

Rabbit-no

The rabbit runs away so fast that it was gone in the speed of light.

Stephen- Let's follow the bunny!

Goofy- Why?

Stephen- 'cuz! It's cute.

Donald- Well, if it will shut you up, then let's go!

The three of them follow the bunny until they make their way to a door and noticed a sleeping doorknob.

Stephen- Mr.Doorknob! Wake up! We gotta get through!

Doorknob-zzz...what the hell do you want...zzz

Stephen- We, like, need to get through!

Doorknob- drink that beer, I mean, bottle, and you will become small.

Stephen- Like, thanks dude!

Stephen walks to the table and drinks the bottle and he turns small...

Stephen- Hey look at me!

Donald- He's so small! Let's step on him!

Stephen- I heard that, Donald!

Donald- So? It's so obvious that I hate you...

Stephen- I hate you too!

Goofy- Uh, aren't we gonna follow the rabbit?

Stephen- Oh, yeah...

Stephen runs to the Doorknob

Stephen- Open up, lazy ass! We need to get to the bunny!

Doorknob- Okay, get through!

So they make their way through the stupid ass door, and what do they find?

To be continued...


	7. The Queen of Hearts is truly a fat ass!

Disclaimer: Do I have to repeat myself!(sadly, I do.) I don't own any of the Kingdom Hearts characters! If I did, Roxas and Namine would be making out and Sora would be running around eating a cookie, while Kairi is drinking beer and stuff...hmmm...I might save that for another fanfic...nah! Just read the story. And would it kill ya 2 leave a review?

Hey, I did 2 updates in one day! Cool!

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Stephen- Holy Crap! What is that thing? It's huge and it's devouring everything in it's path!

Donald- Shut up, idiot! That's the queen of hearts!

Stephen-Holy sh-

Queen- Excuse me! Do you know who you are talking to!

Stephen- A pig?

Queen- Off with his head!

Card- Shut the up, witch. You always say the same thing and make us bust our ass! Why don't **you** get your lazy ass off your seat and do it yourself, you ball of fat!

Queen- Off with his- oh wait, I have to do it.

The queen took 10 minutes just to stand up from her chair. Then she took some baby steps to reach for the axe, which was 3 feet away from her. This lasted for 2 hours

Queen- Now I shall have your head!

Stephen- Like, what did I do?

Queen- You're so ugly and fat, that's why!

Stephen- If I'm so ugly, then why do I, like, have 2 girlfriends? Besides, you are, like, the ugly and fat one here...You are a fat, fugly ass pig with a wig!

Queen- Go easy on me! I have bulimia, and I have a wig 'cuz I have lupus!

Stephen- Like, shut up, fat lady.

Girl- Hey, over here!

Stephen- Huh?

Stephen looks over and notices a girl dressed in a blue dress and blonde hair.

Girl- This fat grandma thinks I attempted to steal her heart. And her chocolate cake!

Stephen- Did you?

Girl-Hell no! Oh and my name is Alice(the same name as the girl who died in the last chapter, if you read it.).

Stephen- Okkk...

He turns over to the queen.

Queen- Hey! My heart is precious...and she stole my chocolate cake!

Stephen- Well, I, like, believe the girl and she did, like, not steal your cake! It was the midgets in,like, black costumes!

Queen- Fine, then! Bring me back proof while I eat my card soldiers. Come back here with the evidence, ok?

Stephen- Deal.

Stephen, Donald, and Goofy run to the forest, where a purple cat with stripes appears out of nowhere.

Cat- hey there, losers! I am the Chesire Cat, and I am here to annoy you with riddles that I don't understand 'cuz they paid me to do this crappy role as this overweight freak who smiles a lot. So, the shadows are a bunch of retards who attack you cuz they have nothing else to do.

Stephen- So where is the first box?

Chesire Cat- Box?

Stephen- Yeah, like, you're supposed to know everything, right?

Chesire Cat- ...

Stephen-...

Chesire Cat-...

Stephen-...

Chesire Cat-...up your ass around the corner.

Stephen- meanie!

Chesire Cat- I dunno where it is...look for it yourself, doink.

Stephen- Fine, I will!

Stephen and his gang make their way through the heartless and then they endure these flowers that can talk. They ask for a valuable or expensive item and in return they give this really crappy thing, like they make you bigger. But they found the four boxes BY THEMSELVES and made their way back to the fat ass queen.

Queen- Hah! You found all the boxes!

Stephen- yeah. Now give us the girl, heifer!

Queen- Wait. You have to choose between these crappy boxes I got at the 99 cents store and it will decide your fate!

Stephen- You stupid hack! Fine, I'll, like, choose.

The boxes are mixed up and Stephen reaches for a box when they all break apart, and it reveals all it had inside.

Stephen- Hey! It broke apart so easily! What gives?

Queen- I told you! I bought them at the 99 cents store...

Stephen- The box I was about to choose had a heartless, so I guess we win!

Queen- No fair! Uhh...uhh...off with their heads!

The stupid queen said to the cards if they didn't attack them, then she would eat them. They were scared of her, so just attacked Stephen, Donald, and Goofy. Meanwhile, Alice is trapped in a cave and all she can do is watch them.

_To be continued..._

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**Short? Crappy? Just send me a review! Look, it's that purple button right there, just waiting for the arrow to click on it...I can see into your eyes...you are gonna press the purple button...and U R going 2 send a review...aw, crap! That never works...feel free 2 send a review, flame, whatever! Just press the purple button and write 2 me and tell me what U think, plz!**


	8. Philoctities and THATS A GUY?

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters. I only use them in this messed up story to entertain all U readers.

Author's Note: Hey, my sister has been reading this, and she said that I should change this to Rated Mature. Sure, there is a bunch of cuss words, but I don't wanna change it to Rated M! Well, if ya think I should, just send me a review or something. Well, thanks for reading, and enjoy!

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Stephen- Stupid witch! You are, like, soooooo annoying!

Queen- I am a queen, retard! Now soldiers, off with their heads!

The cards ran towards Stephen, but they missed and they crashed into a wall and died. More soldiers ran towards them but then they were attacked by Donald and Goofy. Soon they all died and the queen was too busy eating fried ckicken.

Stephen- Hey, you! We, like, killed your worthless guards. Can we have the girl back and leave before I kick you ass?

Queen- Okay, then...HEY! WHERE THE HELL IS SHE!

Stephen- She's not there?

Queen- OMFG! That girl...she tried stealing my heart, and she ran away? Dammit!

Stephen- Aw, get over it. Who doesn't want to, like, steal your heart? You're a worthless tub of lard...

Queen- Shut the fuck up...

Stephen and the walk towards the room where the doorknob was, but then this freaky thing sneaked up on Stephen and gave him a wedgie.

Stephen- HOLY SHIT!

Monster- Hahahahahahahahaha!

Stephen- Wait a minute...I don't have any underwear...

Monster- O-O

Stephen-...pretend you didn't hear that...

Monster- Okay, so like, I have to kill you, but I don't feel like it so lemme just step on you and get this over with!

Stephen- YOU ARE NOT GONNA, LIKE, KILL ME!

Monster- Watch me!

The monster runs towards Stephen, but then it tripped over a leaf. Then it exploded and the same little freaky elves that ate Alice ate the freaky looking monster. Then they ran away on their spaceship, listening to rap music.

_I'll take you to the candy shop_

_I'll let you lick the lolipop_

_Go ahead, girl now don't you stop..._

Stephen- Well, that was easy. Now let's go somewhere else, I'm bored!

Goofy- Yeah, me too. Man, do I suck!

Donald- I'll drive...

Donald drives the Gummi ship and got drunk (no one knows how) and he ran over the freaky little elves, so he drove towards the nearest world so that he can stay undercover.

Stephen- What is this place? It's like, so, retarded!

Donald- It's a colliseum. It's a place where people train to become strong...

Stephen- You think I give a crap? Let's go!

Goofy- But what if the freaky elves ate us?

Stephen- Then it will put an end to my miserable and crappy life.

Donald- Ok then! HEY LITTLE FREAKY ELVES, YOU CAN TAKE THIS LOSER HERE! EAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM!

Silence.

Stephen- oh, save your breath! I am too cute to, like, be eaten...

Donald- You are not cute...

Stephen- Then why did your girlfriend visited me in my dreams and made out with me last night?

Donald- WTF?

Stephen- loser...

Goofy- Hey, what's that thing? It looks like a bag of horse crap...

"Bag of Horse Crap"- My name is Philoctetes, dipshit!

Goofy- Oh, sorry...

Philoctetes- Worthless mutt.

Goofy- whadga say, Philoc-tities?

Stephen and Donald start cracking up.

Philoctetes- What was that, dogshit? _Philoc-tities?_ I've heard better crap from your ma!

Goofy- M-my ma...?

Goofy breaks down crying.

Philoctetes- H-hey, why's he cryin' all of a sudden?

Donald- His ma died trying to save him from their burning house.

Philoctetes- Oh...sorry, man.

sad, emotional music starts to play

Stephen- Don't worry, Goofy. If you feel bad about your memories, you come talk to me, okay?

record scratch

Goofy- If I want to open up and talk about my feelings to you, then I won't be considered a man! Dammit Stephen, why aren't you a normal kid?

Stepehn rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.

Goofy- stupid boy killed the moment...

All of a sudden there was a blonde haired girl holding a thick sword. She was wearing jeans, and was standing from behind.

Stephen- Hey, who is that hot chick? She has a nice ass!

Philoctetes- Hey, kid, uh...

Stephen- curvy body! (wolf whistle)

Phil- Kid, uh...

Stephen- HEY BABY! YOU ARE _SEXY_!

Phil- Hello!

Stephen- Excuse, me. I just found myself a date with the girl of my dreams...

Stephen grabs a pair of sunglasses that came out of nowhere and walks towards the hot girl. He taps her behind the shoulder.

Stephen- Excuse me miss, do you wanna...

She turns around. It turns out that 'she' was a '_he_'.

Stephen- Holy cr-

Man- What do you want?

Phil- Cloud! Hey, did ya come here for the package?

Cloud- Yeah, thanks short ass.

Phil- anytime.

Stephen- You're a...GUY!

Cloud- Damn straight.

Stephen- O-O

Cloud- What, a pimpin homie like me has obviously got to be a guy! I mean, ain't I hot?

Stephen- O-O

Cloud- Whatever. Hey Phil, where is Tifa?

Phil- Why the heck do I care? Go look in the strip club, that IS where she WORKS.

Cloud- Nah, remember? She changed it to prostitution.

Phil- oooooh yeah, but didn't she have a sex change?

Cloud- Hm, I dunno. I seriously don't care, I just use her to pay my taxes, since she makes a lotta money.

Phil- That's my man...

Cloud- Well, I gotta go. My brother, Sephiroth, has gone mad and wants to stel his own mother...I dunno...gotta give him his pills...

Phil- Tell Sephy I said hi!

Cloud- Okay, bye short ass!

Phil- Bye gay ass!

Cloud walks all mysterious and stuff until he trips over a rock. Everyone laughs up at him and Cloud just runs away to his pink Vokswagen.

Stephen- Retard...

**To Be continued...**

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**A/N- So if it had 2 much bad words or mature stuff, tell me, cuz there may be a chance I may change this to rated M. There's no limes or lemons, but there is gonna be a use of bad words and South Park situations(but I think South Park is way nastier heehee I luv that show). Well, plzzzz leave a review! I want 2 C your opinion or suggestions!**

**PLEASE!**


	9. Jason and Twilight Town

Author's Note: Katchi and rachelkath, im so srry this took a while 2 update. I haven't had that humorous side in me and I have 2 prepeare 4 this party that my mom is gonna do dedicated 2 my sister, who is also 'LadyAeris1997'. Well, hope ya enjoy this!

Discalimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

Goofy- You stupid ho! You thought that was a girl! You suck.

Stephen- How can a guy, like, have such a big ass?

Goofy- I dunno. I think he's gay.

Donald- Me too.

Philoctetes- If he's gay, then why does he have a girlfriend?

Goofy- He has a girlfriend!

Philoctetes- Yup. Her name is Aeris, and she has a weird obsession with flowers...aw what the hell.

Stephen- Hey Phisocmities, I wanna join in this dope!

Philoctetes- No way! Only heroes are allowed, no dildos!

Stephen- Shut up! I like, wanna battle!

Philoctetes- You're puny! Puny brain, puny arms, puny peni-

Stephen- I DON'T CARE! I LIKE, WANNA FIGHT THE BAD GUYS!

Philoctetes- These aren't bad guys. They are celebrites. Ya see that Shadow Heartless? That's Paris Hilton!

Paris Hilton- Hey! Shut up there, turd pants! I'm gonna sue your fat ass!

Philoctetes- Hey, I saw your sex tape.

Paris- That's hot.

Philoctetes- Call me!

Paris- I will never call you, you slimy piece of s-

Stephen whacks her in the head with the keyblade. She died.

Stephen- Well, that was easy. I mighta...hey! I killed my first heartless! Yay!

Music starts playing

Stephen- Yay! Let's celebrate! My treat!

Stephen calls a cab and they all go to Twilight Town. During their trip, Donald kicks Phil off the gummi ship, and he falls and dies, and a hurricane ate him.

_Meanwhile_

Jason- Hey who wants some sea salt ice cream?

Hayner- We just had one 5 minutes ago, dipshit! If you want to hang out with us, then act like us! It's not like we HAVE to eat one all the time! Whatever, I'm going for some pizza!

Hayner walks out of the Secret Spot, pissed off.

Pence- WTF? Anyways, I heard that there is this girl that haunts that mansion place thingy.

Olette- And?

Pence- Well, wanna check it out?

Jason- Ooh! I wanna see the purty girl!

Pence- Okay then follow me!

Jason and Pence walk out of the Secret Spot, leaving Olette all by herself.

Olette- Hayner, you can come out now!

Hayner- Finally, we're alone!

Hayner and Olette start making out.

_Back to the others..._

Stephen- So this is Twilight town? It's so gay!

Donald- It says here that they are famous for their sea salt ice cream.

Stephen- Aw, who the hell cares. Lets go buy something!

Donald and Goofy-Oh boy. Not-

Stephen-SHOPPING TIME!

(What a Girl Wants begans playing)

_What a girl wants _

_What a girl needs_

Stephen-Oh my god, like, Forever 21!

Goofy- Crap!

_With Pence and Jason_

Pence- Do you see her?

Jason-uhh...no.

Pence- Me neither.

Jessica- HELLO! I'M RIGHT HERE YOU FUCKWITS!

Pence-Funny I thought I heard a bird die...lets get outta here, I gotta purge now.

Jason- Okay...hey a nickel!

Jason runs to the nickel, until he looks inside the mansion and there is a dollar bill sticking out of nowhere.

Jason-This is my lucky day!

Jason runs inside the house and grabs the dollar. He then looks around and explores until he makes his way to a white room, where a girl is staring at him with angry eyes.

Jason- Jessica, baby, how are you?

He gives his girlfriend a kiss.

Jessica- Get the fuck off me! I need to tell you something.

Jason-Are you pregnant?

Jessica-I DON'T LOOK LIKE A FAT WHORE! NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING!

Jason- Mood swings...wow you are pregnant!

Jessica- Okay, I need to ask you something first. Do you know what a nobody is?

Jason- No tell me.

Jessica- well...YOU ARE A NOBODY! YOU WERE NEVER SUPPOSED TO EXIST YOU DUMBASS! YOU ARE HERE FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND YOU HAVE NO MOM! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jessica has a crazed face.

Jason- O.O

Jessica-...

Jason-...

Jessica-well its true

Jason...

Jessica- Anyways, we will meet again. I may not know its you and you may not know its me.

Jason-I know! I'll find the flat girl, thats how I'll know its you!

Jessica- Shut the fuck up!

Jason-Yes m'am.

Some men in black hooded clothing appear out of nowhere.

Man- Yeah, hi. We need to take this girl. We are supposed to steal her and all that shit.

Jason- Go right ahead.

Jessica- Jason, you bitch!

Man- Move it, honeychums!

The man puts her in a Fed-Ex box and they steal her. Jason just stares at the wall...

Jason- Aw, what the hell.

Jason takes out a radio out of no where.

Jason-ITS PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!

_To Be Continued..._

A/N; Thx 2 my reviewers for being patient. I hoped u liked this chapter, and I will do my best to update this! Well, leave a review and thx for reading this.


	10. Twisted Scenery

Author's NOte: FINALLY! I updated this! Sorry for all ya patient peoples. I worked on a few other fics, and had no time for this. I know u think that this fic is really dumb and pointless, but c'mon, it's funny, right? Right...? hehehe...oh well, on with the story...

Shout Outs: My loyal reviewers darc7, Katchi, and rachelkath for taking their time for reading this! Thanks a bunch:D

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Laguna Beach. Or any stuff I mention here.

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Stephen- Hiccup. Let's ride the pretty pony!

Donald-Shit! The boy is drunk!

Goofy-Holy fuck, now what!

Donald and Goofy see a small room that seems abandoned.

Donald-Hey, ya see that! Hm, we should put him there meanwhile, don't ya think?

Stephen- I'm a little teacup, short and stout...when you stab Kristin...ugliness comes out(a/n: my friend told me that song but instead of Kristin she said 'Adam')

Goofy-Yeah, you're right. Let's leave the shitwit!

Goofy and Donald carry Stephen to this place, when all of a sudden, they hear...moaning.

Goofy-Donald, ya hear that? I don't think we should get in there...

Donald- Aw, what the fuck do you know, ya big palooka!

Goofy- I know what you do in strip clubs

Donald-...shut the hell up and get him in there!

Donald and Goofy reach inside the small room when all of a sudden, they see the most unexpecting thing-a brunette girl and a hazel eyed guy (ahem, cough cough)...

Goofy-MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!

Donald- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Olette- W-Who the hell are you? (slips her jeans back on, still remains topless)

Goofy- W-We are...(takes a peek)

Goofy-MY EYES!

Hayner- STOP LOOKING YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF TURD! (slips on his tee shirt)

Goofy- THEN WHY WERE DOING...THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE! (Goofy grabs some lemons and squeezes the lemon juice in his eyeballs)

Pence- Hey, what's all the...OH MY FREAKING' SHIT! WHAT THE HELL!

Jason- Hi every...AHHH! MY VIRGIN EYES! WHY ME!

Hayner- SHUT UP, JASON! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ONE!

Jason-HAYNER...YOUR MANHOOD...EWWW!

Jessica- JASON, I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR JUST LEAVING ME...ON MY GOSH! HAYNER HAS A...A...PIPISKA!

Hayner- What the hell, Jessica? That makes no sense!

Pence- Hayner, you do realize you didn't put your pants back on?

Hayner- Pence, you do realize that you are a worthless ball of fat?

Goofy, Donald, Olette, Jason, Jessica- OOOHHH! BURN!

Pence- At least my family jewels are bigger than those little nuts!

Hayner- Ya wanna piece of me, Pilsbury Dough Boy?

(Haner does the come here hand movement)

Pence- Oh, it's on, you gayass!

(Boxing Match music plays)

Hayner and Pence start hitting each other like little girls, but then Pence gets all tired because he moved 3 inches. He falls to the ground and dies, and Hayner starts jumping for joy until he gets shot down by Oscar De la Hoya.

Olette- NO! HAYNER IS DEAD!

(Olette begins to cry)

Stephen-I've been working on the railroad...WHOA! LOOK AT THOSE KNOCKERS!

Olette- W-what? Why is everyone staring at me?

Jason- You stupid whore. You forgot to put your top back on!

Olette- Oh...hehehe...(slips top back on)

Jessica- Hell, this was one crazy moment. Now I have to go back to working for the Organization!

Jason- Organization...where did I hear that?

Jessica- Well, since the director died, I can tell you. You were part of them, and your best friend is Axel.

Axel- Hey, buddy! Remember me?

Jason- uh, no!

Axel-Ugh! It's me...AXEL! Q-Z-V-R...got it memorized?

Jason- Uh...okay...

Axel-man, all of ya are losers! Who wants to go to Hooters!

(Everyone except Olette and Jessica say 'I Do!")

Axel- Okay then, dopes, follow me!

Everyone leaves, leaving Olette and Jessica all by themselves.

Olette- Now what! Hayner died, all the boys wont flirt with me, and I'm bored.

(Looks at Jessica)

Olette- Wanna order male strippers?

Jessica- Aw, what the hell.

_To be Continued..._

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**Author's Note: okay, I know this is soooo whack and stupid and nasty, but I couldn't think of anything. Well, please review, and I'm thinking of changing this to rated M. I don't want to, but when I read it, I feel that I should. Well, please tell me if u think I should, and review the story, please! I really want more reviews from u lovely readers! Well, gotta go, and don't forget to read any other stories I have 2 offer! Bye bye and thx 2 all u readers and reviewers!**

**Euphy6A**


	11. Talan Returns!

A/N: I'm sorry for taking long to update this! I have been busy with other works, so I kinda had to postpone this chappy until later. I strongly advise you to review this please! And I have one person telling me that I should change the rating. I think I should, and If you have an opinion, please tell me! No lemons in the fic, don't worry. Just cursing, that's pretty much it. Oh yeah, and milk will come out of your nose. So please take the time to review! pretty please!

(does puppy dog eyes)

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Laguna Beach. If I did, Kristin(not Kairi, the REAL Kristin) will die, and I would pair up Sora and Kairi and Roxas and Namine.

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Olette: It's a good thing male strippers are here! (dances to beat)

Jessica: Yeah! Better than Jason, the lil' whiz machine! (dances with Olette)

Olette: Although I do miss Hayner...but he always ate Doritos when we make out.

Jessica: Word. Jason eats anything off the fridge!

Olette: Well, does that suck. Try being friends with him for quite some time.

Jessica: Man, do I feel sad for you.

(Meanwhile...)

Axel: You wussys! REAL men go to strip clubs like me! And your mama's still feed you cookies at home?

Stephen: My mommy gives me my teddy bear!

Donald: Daisy tucks me in bed...teehee.

Jason: Yeah, and Jessica forces me to go to bed or she'll make me watch Oprah.

Goofy: YOU ALL SUCK! Life's all about the hookers!

Axel: FINALLY! Someone agrees with me!

Goofy: You wimps need to learn how to be a man!

Stephen: And yo mama need to learn to stop sleeping around.

Goofy: Dontcha be talking about my mama!

Donald: I thought she was dead.

Goofy: Oh yeah...

Axel: Hey! Do you hear that! Music is coming from the Usual Spot!

(pop music plays)

Stephen: That music sucks! i wonder who's in there?

(They peek in to find 5 men with big muscles in thongs)

Stephen: HOLY CRAP! THIS IS WORSE THAN HAYNER AND OLETTE GETTING IT ON!

(Stephen buries his head in tar)

Jason: HOLY SHI-

(Jason smacks his head several times)

Axel: Oh God! What is going on!

Jessica: W-what are you doing here?

Olette: Ur...go away!

Axel: You are so desperate if you ordered male strippers.

Olette: Uh...no, we didn't order them!

Voice: I DID!

Everyone: HUH?

(In comes a silver haired kid with a stick and black clothing.)

Stephen and Jessica: TALAN!

Talan: Yes, it's me! I have returned from the darkness...and I want to say I'm sorry.

Stephen: Hell yeah you beter apologize, now kiss my ass!

Talan: Idiot! I wanna go back to the Destiny Islands, but am too afraid of what people will think of me.

(Meanwhile, at Destiny Islands, Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka are watching "Stupidest People from the Worlds")

Selphie: HAHAHAHAHA! Talan is a pissant! Look at him!

Tidus: What an idiot, turning to the dark side!

Wakka: Hey...those are our friends, ya!

Tidus: Ya what?

Wakka: Uh...I dunno. I say that a lot, ya.

Selphie: You say a lotta things. Hmm, I can't wait til Talan gets home so we can make fun of him!

Tidus: Okay, Selphie, I think "Sex and the City" is on. Let's watch it!

Selphie: Okay!

(Back to the Others)

Talan: I wish I had never been to the dark side...

Stephen: Heh. It seems you gained weight. You so fat, it took me a train and two busses to get on YOUR good side.

(Everyone but Talan cracks up)

Talan: Oh yeah? You so fat, we were playing Hide and Seek, and I found you hiding behind Mount Everest!

Donald: OOH! He told you!

Stephen: Oh yeah! Well, you so fat-

Organization XIII: Talan, you betrayer! Come back with us, and we'll give you a coupon to Hooters!

Talan: I'll take it!

Stephen: Say what!

Goofy: You dumbass! I can take you to Hooters for free! Get back here!

Talan skips towards the Orginization, but sees Stephen holding a lolipop so he skips to Stephen

Organization: NOOOOO!

Stephen: SUCKA'S! KISS MY UN-WAXED ASS!

Organization: Damn you gayasses! You will all die! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(They throw a smokebomb and everyone starts coughing, but when the smoke cleared up, the Organization is still there.)

(crickets chirping)

Stephen: Weren't you supposed to disappear?

Organization: Oh...sorry. Uh, which way is the back door?

Jason: Right behind you.

Organization: Oh sorry...see ya!

(Organization runs away)

Donald: Scary...

Stephen: Word.

_To be continued..._

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**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! I'm begging you! please! I really want your opinion! And I will try to update A.S.A.P.! Sayonara!**


	12. Ninesome and Cliffhanger

a/n: omg chapter 11!! And guess who is back?! O.o

(cough) Malificent (cough)

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts :D If I did, boy would the game be messed up XD

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Stephen- Sheesh. It's about time those fags left!

Talan- Gosh, Stephen, you sure have grown. It's like...it was only yesterday that I last saw you...

Stephen-Uh...it was. We got drunk and now we are in bed naked with Malificent...WHAT THE FUCK?!

(Stephen and Talan see that they and the whole group are naked in one big bed with Malificent)

Stephen- What the hell happened?!

Axel- (wakes up) You two got drunk and started begging for an nine-some and Malificent came outta nowhere so here we are. Happy?

Stephen- O.O

Axel-...what?

Stephen- I SLEPT WITH SOME OLD HAG?!

Malificent-And it was the best night ever...(fondles Stephen)

Stephen-NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Jessica- Shut up! I'm recovering from last night's butt-raping session! (goes back to sleep)

Jason- (wakes up)...Good morning!

Stephen- EWWWW(cries)

Malificent- What? Have I not satisfied you? If I haven't...(giggles)...we can always try again...

Stephen-NO!!!!!!

Goofy- (wakes up) I'm hungry. Who wants to go to IHOP?

Stephen- GOOFY?! You just act like nothing happened, you sick-o?!

Goofy- Hey...this happened to me at my family reunion...(walks to the kitchen)

Talan- Stepehn, get over it! Gosh, you are such a baby!!

(walks to Goofy)

Talan-(whispers in Goofy's ear)- But I have to admit, he's pretty good!

Goofy- Meh...I've had better.

All of a sudden, a big blue thing appears.

Stephen- OMG IT'S A COW!

Talan- OMG ITS MY MOTHER!

Jason- OMG ITS A LESBIAN!

"Blue Thing"- Its me, Ursula!!

She then crawls over to Malificent- Hey baby

Malificent- We broke up, remember?! You called me 'Alfred' when you made love to me!

Ursula- Gosh, you are always PMSing!

Malificent- SO ARE YOU!

(They begin to argue)

Malificent- I DONT CARE ANYWAY...I HAVE A NEW LOVER! (hugs Stephen)

Stephen- WHAT THE HELL? WHY CAN'T YOU TWO JUST GET BACK TOGETHER?! I STILL HAVE TO FIND MY LOVER, KRISTIN!!!

Malificent-...

Ursula-...

Malificent- Forgive me?

Ursula- I forgive you.

(the two get into a heated make out session)

(Ursula squezzes Malificnet's ass)

Stephen- CAN YOU DO THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE?!

Ursula- Hmph, meanie. Mali-poo, this kid is messed up.

Malificent- Don't worry. I used to think this kind of stuff was nasty when I was a little boy.

Stephen- O.O

Ursula- Well, bye everyone!

(They fly off on a plane and make love...5 mintues later the plane crashes into Kingdom Hearts)

everyone- (GASP!)

Stephen- oh no...oh no!!!!!!! How will the sory continue?

Talan- How will we reunite with our nobodies?

Goofy- How will we get Kairi back?

Jason- How will life go on?

Jessica- ...

(everyone is waiting for her question)

Jessica- Will anyone scratch my butt?

_**WAIT FOR THE SEQUEL TO "KINGDOM HEARTS: REAL REAL ORANGE COUNTY" COMING SOON!**_

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**A/N: I have a good reason for it to be Rated M...TOO PERVERTED!**

**So...good ending for part 1, huh?**

**Review, and I will see ya l8r.**


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